Exhaustion...

Don't let this sweet face fool you... I am sure you think that a boy with such a sweet smile is a perfect little angel. But this boy exhausts me! This last month has been pretty rough for me and Jace. I don't know if it is the constant shrieking("MOOOOOOM!!!! Ethan took my TOOOOOY!"- followed by a thud and wail from Ethan) or the constant DEMAND for attention("Mommy, watch this..." "Mom, what did my cape look like?" "MOOOM, YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ME!"). And I am not exaggerating when I say constant- I can barely get a 30 second bathroom break in without Jace demanding ALL of my attention. But I am at a loss about what to do about it! On one hand, I feel that giving him 100% of my attention all the time is just ludicrous- he is not the only child in this family and I have things to do sometimes! He needs to learn that he cannot always have attention! But on the other hand, when I don't give him the attention he is demanding, I feel horribly guilty. And it seems kind of crazy to deny him attention just for the sake of teaching him a lesson. It makes me feel cruel. Can you feel my internal struggle? Well, if you can't, let me tell you it is rough! It has gotten to the point where some days the minute I hear Jace's voice in the morning I just want to crawl under my bed and hide- I am just not sure I have the energy for it! Sheesh- 4 year olds are tough! Someone please tell me it gets easier- even if that is a lie! Because if I heard it gets harder, I might just have a full out breakdown. And we are nearing the point when I want to start thinking about adding a third, but I am quite terrified! I just don't know if I am cut out for this motherhood business. And seeing my kids picking up on all my bad habits and imperfections is terrifying! Want proof? Just look at Jace biting on his nails in that last shot- a complete Mandy nervous habit that he has picked up from me. And there are many more, much worse habits.

Okay, now that I have made anyone without kids TERRIFIED to have children, I do have to add that being a mom really is the best thing in the world. It has just been one of those months. And I am sure it will pass... for a while... until another one of those months comes around. And I break down again.

It is a good thing kids are so resilient, huh!

I love these shots- taken at Pleasant Grove last month in front of an old, rusty gargage bin. Perfect boy backdrop, huh! I will post the ones I took of Ethan later.

Some tech info for the photo enthusiasts:
shot with D300, 85mm 1.8 lens, ISO200, 1/800ss, f2.5
In Photoshop, I did a slight levels adjustment (pulling my midtones up), ran a light color action(peta's), a slight S curve, some burning (I am LOVING my burn tool lately!) and a final softlight layer.