Accidents will happen

Yesterday morning I woke up determined to do one of my workout videos. Yes, I am a workout video person. Go ahead and laugh if you must. The thought of me in front of a TV doing squats and karate kicks is pretty funny, I will agree. Anyways, I put Ethan in his high chair with some breakfast and popped in Cindy Crawford: the Next Challenge (one of my favs). I had just started on the cardio when Ethan started fussing, so I got him out, brought him into the living room with me and he just played around while I worked out. I was just finishing the cardio with some squat things where you squat down and do kick backs with alternating legs and apparently I lost track of Ethan (the last I remembered was that he was just off to my left playing with my hand weights, which probably wasn't safe either, but he can't pick them up and I thought I was watching him so thought he was okay.) Anyways, I am sure you can guess where this is going. I did a kick with my right, then a kick with my left only to feel my left foot made contact with something and HARD. Then I heard a THUD and a shrieking cry. My heart dropped- I kicked my own child, sending him sprawling on the floor! What kind of hideous mother am I? Tim (who was just getting ready to leave for work) came running in to see what happened. We both held Ethan to see if he was okay, and he looked fine. No blood or even any signs of where I had kicked him. After I realized that he was okay, my concentration turned to myself and I felt SO AWFUL! I turned off the TV and tried to keep the tears from coming. Tim said it was okay and to go ahead and finish my workout, but I just felt sick. Tim took Ethan(who was fine by now) in to finish breakfast and I spent a few minutes sulking and feeling bad about and sorry for myself. Then I started to feel frustrated and angry- can't I even have one measly hour to myself to workout without interruption and catastrophe? Good grief, it is hard to be a mother sometimes. By now I was irritated and I wanted to do some more kicks. So I finished my workout video. And it definitely helped.

But now I am wondering if workout videos are not the safest way for me to exercise. I am sure it is only a matter of time before one of my kids gets karate kicked again or Jace drops a 5 lb dumbbell on Ethan or something. But I don't know what to do. I would start running again, but I still struggle with ITband in my left knee every time I start to run and it drives me nuts. And I hate public gyms- I have issues with working out in front of other people. And I always feel so dumb around the weight machines because I either don't know how to work them or I hate the embarrassing and depressing feeling when I get to a machine and I have to move the peg from the bottom 200lb setting which the last user had no trouble with all the way up to the second from the top, like 15 lbs. And then I can only do 5 reps. Besides, gym memberships are expensive. So maybe I will just go back to doing what I seem to do every few months- which is nothing at all. Not because I am lazy, but because I am thinking of the safety of my children...



By the way, Ethan never did show any signs of where he took the blow, so it must not have been as hard as it felt to my foot (and my heart). Thank goodness, how would I explain that to my pediatrician:
"Yes, I am concerned about my sons eye which is so swollen he can't see."
"What happened?"
"He got kicked in the face."
"Oh, that is too bad. By who?"
"uh... by me"
(Dr. snaps her fingers and in comes a man in a suit holding a clipboard followed by a police man with a gun and chain cuffs in hand.)


Please do not call the DCFS on me. I do try to keep my children safe, but as my title says, accidents do happen.